Cheese

[Corm]

I have a weird reaction to 95% of all cheese. It makes my cheek bones sweat sort of like Niagara falls, depending on the amount consumed. Pickled Onion crisps made by walkers do it to, also some brands of Brown Sauce. Sometimes if I eat too much I get dizzy and a little disorientated. I probably shouldn't eat cheese. But I like cheese. cheese simply doesn't like me very much, except for Feta, Feta is my bro but I digress.

So Susie broke our cheese greater last week and I bought a fancy new one on Saturday. By fancy I mean you can grate in both directions and its all black and burnished chrome and like big and manly and, a pretty special greater. I had cheese and red onion on toast at lunch to try it out. I washed it, by hand, first having discovered that in all is specialness including the special premium price of the thing, it cant be washed in the dishwasher. Bah. So first use it lives up to its shininess, grating Red Leicester like it was fashioned for Jamie Oliver, or some other overpaid twat. Umm. Forget that last bit. Fast forward 15 mins and im suitable fed and watered and need to wash up. Only, probably due to a slight cheese overload, since its only worth making for one if you have 4 slices, I didnt realise how dizzy I was.

I will spare the gore but I now have 3 bandaged fingers, town on the left hand one on the right. I am also missing the finger print and wee bit of nail from my left middle finger. On the bright side if I ever need to grate a chicken breast or a joint of gammon I have just the tool. Any typos are not because of the bandages but because i have had some really strong co-codamol in the cupboard and im off my tits.

[Mortorin]

I'm sorry for your pain but . . . . .

[Corm]

Susie reckons I should go to Minor Injuries at the Western but I think they've stopped bleeding.

[Mortorin]

I reckon you should stop eating cheese

[Dunwa]

Only Corm would have a cheese grater sharp enough to take your tags.

[Mortorin]

Only Corm would have a cheese grater sharp enough to take your tags.